Young, Black, Christian, and SINGLE

This weekend many of the married couples at my church went on a marriage retreat to Williamsburg, Va. My church is a small one, so the absence of all the couples did not go unnoticed during today's worship service. As I walked into the church, I was greeted by one of the few people who was married but not away on the trip. He greeted me with a smile and said, "Welcome to the Single's Retreat!"

I laughed and kept walking but later I reflected on his comment. I scanned the sanctuary and actually took note of all those who were single in the room. We were in the majority, for once. I noticed that most of the "singles" were women, outnumbering the men by at least 8 to 1. I also noticed that most of these women were 50+, either divorced or widowed. When you subtracted those people, you were left with precious few who had never been married and who were under the age of 40. I was in that number.

I thought about the lack of support for single people at my church. Once I spoke with my boyfriend about the need for a single's ministry at our church. He said that it was not necessary and that single people had the men's and women's ministry to belong to. I disagreed. Married people can also be a part of the men's and women's ministries, but they also had the Married Couples Ministry where they could discuss issues, concerns, Biblical truths, and support each other as people with a common thread joined together for one agenda. I am still convinced that this needs to happen for singles at our church.

Today I felt the disconnect. I wondered that if the situation were reversed, if all the single people had gone away to a retreat for the weekend, would the married couples have seem so disconnected from one another? Or would the fact that they meet monthly and have rousing Marriage Ministry meetings have caused them to be a little more in tune with one another, a little more aware of each other? I truly believe it would.

A short while ago, a young (in her 70s) sister at the church said something that resonated with me. She was praying. She asked God to bless single people because "we don't have a disease." Or something to that effect. Her point was that we are people, too. Over time, I have learned that the Bible has a lot to say about single people. And one thing I know for sure is that Jesus did not relegate single people to the "back of the bus" so to speak when it came to doing the work of God, or just acknowledging the purpose of single people. Sometimes I think that we focus so much on marriage that we lose sight of singleness and all that it entails (the challenges, the fears, the hurts, the joys, the possibilities).

In my mind, a vision of singles ministry formed that is inclusive of all singles (young and young at heart). What I envision certainly would be something that would affirm and celebrate singleness, but not exclude the possibilities of marriage for those in whose life plan marriage will one day materialize. in fact, if a single's ministry is working the way it should, it would help to prepare single people for marriage, if that is their ultimate desire and it's in God's plan for them. I say this because a single's ministry, in my opinion, should be dedicated to the development of maturity, character, integrity, and stability in the lives of single Christians.

I don't necessarily know if I'm the one who is being called to lead this group, but it is so necessary. There is a growing number of people who are single by choice, some of them raising kids alone. And there are others for whom a life mate has not yet been given them. And all of it is okay. All of these are circumstances and life seasons that God can and does work within.

A quick scan of some singles ministry websites gave me some valuable thoughts to ponder, insight into why single's ministries are vital to the lives of many single Christians:

• Though there may be a season (or two) in our lives when we are alone, that we should never be lonely.
• There is nothing wrong with you if you’re single. (Refer back to the quote listed above from my single sister)
• Your happiness today should NOT have anything to do with your marital status.
• Your destiny starts today; don't wait (until after you walk down the aisle) to really start living.

What the list above represents is actually a listing of things that all singles should keep in their hearts and minds, regardless of whether a person is single by choice or by circumstance. And, if you look at the purpose and intent of many marriage ministries, you'll see that the fundamental purpose of the ministries are similar to singles ministries.

Anyway, I guess this long post is just to say that I'm single and tired of allowing society to make me feel like I'm not a part of some exclusive club. I feel that it's high time the church acknowledge and embrace single people fully and with the same care, concern, and interest that they do married couples. Surely, all of those married couples were not married from birth. At some point in their lives they were single and they had a journey through singledom that led them to the place they are today. When we ignore this part of the journey, we are ignoring a part of the lifelong pathway to God.

Invasion of the Blacks and Browns

The County where I reside (Charles County, Maryland) has largely been a homogenous population largely composed of individuals of European descent. Over time, the people in this area became used to their way of life, used to seeing an image mirroring themselves when they went into a store, went shopping, entered a court of law, or patronized other places of business...even as they walked outside of their house in the morning to get the paper and waved to the next-door neighbor.

Well, times are a-changin'. Those same people may walk outside in the morning and see a Black or Brown face staring at them across the driveway. And, in some of the Mom and Pop shops where everybody knows everybody there are some new faces that don't resemble the ones who are behind the counter, or sitting at their customary table in the corner.

For some, change is difficult. It evokes a fear that the way of life that has been in place for years may one day no longer exist. There is evidence that the fear of change has permeated the area where I live because recent news outlets such as The Washington Post repeatedly reported, with alarming statistics, that African-American schoolchildren are now the majority in Charles County.

Stop the presses! The fact that this story has been published in at least three separate editions of The Post is a clear indicator of just how highly this particular news item is valued. The article poses such education-related questions as: will test scores now plummet with Black students being in the majority? But it also raises more questions than it asks and hints at more than it blatantly states. For example, the article states that: "Black enrollment in Charles grew by about 700 students this year, and white enrollment decreased by about the same number." By itself, this statistic hints at the Black migration pattern and the "White flight" that is also occurring in this historically rural County.

As I read the article, I could almost sense the growing panic of my European neighbors, wondering if this area would become overrun with the horror-stories they hear about on the news every night in places like D.C. and Prince George's County. It was almost as if I could hear the laments over the potential loss of the idyllic Utopian society that they had spent years building, and the simultaneous locking of doors to keep out the crime that more Blacks undoubtedly will bring to these safe suburbs.

Some might say that I am overreacting, that people aren't really interpeting this bit of news in this manner. Well, then the burning question is: why is this such big news? Why run it over and over again? There must be interest. There must be concern. There must be a sense of "they've taken over our schools, now what's next?!" There is a need to know that this trend is happening and that it's happening fast (According to The Post's analysis of recent Census data, Charles County is "the fastest-growing black population of any large jurisdiction in the nation except the Atlanta suburbs.)

For some, it is a slight comfort to know that the Blacks who are migrating to Charles County are people of means (translation: law-abiding, intelligent, affluent people of color who probably don't like hip-hop/rap music -- or don't play it loud). See, it's not so bad after all. And test scores haven't plummeted (yet) and in some areas, it has improved (of course, that's only because we've anticipated the change in demographics and made sure that we are helping these little Black kids to come up to the learning levels of their White counterparts).

Forgive my dripping sarcasm here, but this really concerns me. News is the appearance of gang signs and symbols. News is the racist graffiti that has popped up recently, and the spraypainting of mailboxes in neighborhoods with racial slurs. News is the lack of Black teachers in our school systems, the utter lack of diversity in the upper ranks of several institutions within this County. The trend of Black people moving in is not news. It is simply that we are finally becoming more diverse and that's a good thing.